PAGE 1

(Murrit looks up at Taz as several beaten-up boobdrones drag her through the air (kicking and screaming) to an abandoned sports stadium. Murrit's lower body is not shown. The rest of the cast is already there.)

TAZ
$#!+@$$??

MURRIT
well SOMEWUN took her choice ass time joinin us

MURRIT
how wuz Tha Fall

(Zoom out to see that Murrit is balancing on a pair of boobdrones, one for each croc'd foot. He claps his hands like one would to summon a butler and Taz is gracelessly deposited next to Arcjec, who looks incredibly unamused.)

(Low angle shot of Murrit with their hands on their hips.)

MURRIT
aight aight heres the sitches bitches

MURRIT
whether yallve been coerced, forced, tricked or otherwise persuaded to join us

MURRIT
every 1 of you is boutta make history

MURRIT
every onea u is about to play sum SPORTSBALL

(Close up of Murrit grinning. If her glasses could shine dramatically, they would be right now.)

MURRIT
herere the rulez


PAGE 2

(Much less dramatic shot, Murrit is basically doing the laughing emoji right now.)

MURRIT
SIKE theres no rules this aint amateur hour

(Slightly more serious, Murrit points to the crowd and clearly isn't joking about this next part.)

MURRIT
just dont lay the smakdownnn on each other too hard i need this whole crew alive down da line

(Jentha raises her hand, sitting crosslegged on the grass.)

JENTHA
a a and how exactly d do you p propose we win a game with n n n no rules

(Murrit motions to the field behind her. We can see goals in the background, but not much of the ground.)

MURRIT
youse got balls n goals yall do the math

(Murrit is laughing as Laivan asks something from off screen.)

LAIVAN
Balls-?

MURRIT
roflol

(Murrit reaches out and one of the boobdrones that had carried Taz here flies to his hand like Thor's hammer.)

(Cut to the drone rolling onto the field, high angle shot. The field littered with boobdrones.)

MURRIT
theres a few fakey fake ballz thrown in the mix 2 so stay sharp


PAGE 3

(Albion looks slightly puzzled but tries to keep a straight face.)

ALBION
these sound a lot like rules murrit

MURRIT
not rules

MURRIT
FACTS

MURRIT
of LIFE

(Murrit thinks to themself, staring at the crowd of players.)

MURRIT
im thinkinnn two teams. ill announce-

(Close up of the shockingly silent Arcjec, rolling their eyes.)

MURRIT
leader one is tha rat man themself arcster

LAIVAN
Woo-!

(Arcjec gives Laivan a death stare.)

(Close up of Calder, staring intently.)

MURRIT
and leader two will be the big the bad the ugly caldass

CALDER
Charming.

(Calder points at Murrit accusatorily.)

CALDER
I do hope you don't intend to handicap my numbers. With you as announcer, we have an uneven amount of players. Hardly sporting.

(Murrit puts a boobdrone in his arms. Calder wants to kill her.)

MURRIT
and heres ur grubby bottle skoolchump now pick a team


PAGE 4

(Crowd shot, Calder has his arms behind his back as he makes an important announcement. Taz's speech bubble cuts him off.)

CALDER
I choose Tazsia. Loathe as I am to admit it, her brute strength and intimidating psyOP abilities will—

TAZ
i'm on arcjec's team

(Calder is taken aback.)

CALDER
Wh—

TAZ
You heard me.

(Taz high fives Arcjec as she walks up behind him. Calder is pinching the bridge of his nose.)

CALDER
Tch. Very well. Ellsee will... suffice.

(Ellsee looks disappointed, but is trying not to be rude.)

ELLSEE
Oh!! Um... Alright!! That's... fine...

(Arcjec and Calder are standing side by side, choosing remaining team members.)

ARCJEC
Laivan, get over here. I know you'll keel over if I don't pick you.

CALDER
Dismas, welcome once again to the winning team.

ARCJEC
Jentha.

CALDER
Albion.

ARCJEC
Sova.


PAGE 5

(It's just Occeus and Serpaz left. Calder looks incredibly uncomfortable, gnashing his fangs and sweating. Arcjec facepalms.)

ARCJEC
I can't say I expect Calder to be able to choose between his two soul-crossed exes, so I'll just go ahead and finish this: Occeus.

(Serpaz kicks her feet up, putting on a happy face despite the incredibly awkward situation.)

SERPAZ
last pick huh?? looks like this athlete was picked athLATE

(Calder's team is doing a huddle, apart from Calder who is refusing to touch anybody.)

CALDER
Gentleman. Women. The tin can. I will make salvageable warriors out of most of you under my leadership.

BOOBDRONE
bzzt hey dogg dont be rude to my grl helilo she tryin her bestest

CALDER
Though some consider victory in sport a meaningless prize, I am of the superior mindset that...

(Arcjec team huddle.)

ARCJEC
Don't be idiots out there! Go team.

(Murrit is about to blow a whistle to start the match, sitting in the bleachers with a camera and a mic set up.)

MURRIT
reddy..... seddy.........


PAGE 6

(Murrit puts the whistle down and instead blows an airhorn.)

(Taz is suddenly surrounded with a bunch of boobdrones holding tasers.)

TAZ
what in the-

TAZ
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!

(Taz is angrily shaking her fist at Murrit from afar.)

MURRIT
an even playing field aint odd

MURRIT
cuz its even

TAZ
even playing field my ASS you greasy bastard!

(Dismas is running towards center field, preparing to kick one of the balls.)

DISMAS
How can you tell which one of these is meant to be the real ball?!///

MURRIT
o u kno

(Dismas attempts to kick the nearest one with all of his power, but the drone rolls out of the way.)

MURRIT
yoop

(Dismas falls on his ass like Charlie Brown.)


PAGE 7

(Ellsee runs up and snatches the drone with her hands.)

ELLSEE
What gave you the idea to kick it away from us, silly??

(Close up of Ellsee looking surprised.)

(Sova is standing in her way, arms spread, ready to block her.)

(Ellsee lobs the ball to Albion across the field.)

ELLSEE
Upsie daisy!!

(Close up of Albion's hands catching the ball.)

(Sova is waving her hands at Albion, who looks rather confused.)

SOVA
ALBION, i'm open! pass it here!

(Proper shot of Albion looking rather lost. Full of question marks.)

(Similar shot as before, but with Jentha speeding past her like a bullet and snatching the ball from her hands.)

JENTHA
HANDS O O OFF


PAGE 8

(Over the shoulder shot, Jentha running towards the goal. Serpaz is primed and ready, tongue poking out in concentration.)

(Serpaz suddenly has Jentha wrapped up in a big hug. Jentha is struggling to claw out of her grasp.)

JENTHA
oh g god oh no o oh n n n no

SERPAZ
oh no you dont!!!!! this goalies better than gold!!!!!

(Calder was watching the scene unfold but now turns to look dramatically at their own goal. His teammate drone is flying next to him. Laivan is crouching down and having an inaudible conversation with one of the fake ball drones near him.)

CALDER
We NEED to score. QUICKLY.

LAIVAN
So how can you tell each other apart-?

(Close up, Calder's eye and the fake boobdrone Laivan's chatting with in the reflection.)

CALDER
!

(Calder fetches his golf club from his strife deck, just his arm and the club.)

(Calder winds up behind teammate drone, who doesn't even know what's going on.)

(Teammate drone flies past Laivan like a comet.)

MURRIT
eleventy points for CALDER and the FAT FOOT FLEET

(The teammate drone catches the rim of the goal and spins around it, "passing" through the goal several more times.)

MURRIT
u no wat ima count this leemao score is 44-0 now


PAGE 9

(Arcjec stares in disbelief. Angry disbelief. He motions towards the goal, Taz is visible in the shot.)

ARCJEC
What the fuck was that!? The field is rife with faux balls and somehow his TEAMMATE counts???

(Dramatic shot of Calder pointing his club at Arcjec.)

CALDER
There are no such rules to violate, CRETIN. Learn to play.

(Taz and Arcjec look at each other.)

(Arcjec nods.)

(Taz grabs one of the taser drones circling her.)

(She scrunches it up into a lump of metal with a taser sticking out.)

(She then hurls it towards Calder.)

(The taser hits hit golf club and electrocutes him.)

MURRIT
OOOO that gotsta HURT

(Shot of Murrit in their announcer seat, still as chipper as ever.)

MURRIT
goodo momento 2 run half time naow methinks

MURRIT
by which i mean points r worth point and a half

MURRIT
lets get NUTS


PAGE 10

(This page is a montage sequence, maybe blur the borders of the panels somewhat.)

(Occeus kicks a ball into the goal from halfway across the field.)

(Rogi claps from the stands, maybe wearing one of those foam #1 fingers.)

(Shot of a bunch of fake drones on the field, they start beeping. Albion, Arcjec and Sova panic and start scrambling back.)

BOOBDRONE
self destrucc sequence initiated lololmaomao

ARCJEC
BACK UP! BACK UP!!!

(Taz, Arcjec, Calder and Ellsee are doing a conga line. There's big bright text reading "DANCE MINIGAME." Nobody looks happy about this, except maybe Ellsee.)

(Serpaz is on the back of a giant mechanical wolf rampaging through the field. She's barely hanging onto its metallic collar thing. Dismas is hanging onto its leg, trying to stab it, to no avail.)

SERPAZ
WOAH!! DOWN GIRL!!!!! WHERE'D YOU EVEN COME FROM???


PAGE 11

(A loud whistle comes from off screen. The wolf looks towards the source of the sound.)

(It's Laivan, waving at the wolf to approach him.)

LAIVAN
Over here- Here girl-

(The wolf approaches Laivan much more calmly.)

(It kneels for him, and Laivan pets it. A little heart appears above its head.)

LAIVAN
There we go- Much better-

(Calder looks rather annoyed and confused, but not necessarily betrayed. Occeus raises a finger to explain.)

CALDER
Whose side are you on, Laivan!? Have you no loyalty?!

OCCEUS
Eye would imagine he was simply trying to help his matesprit

(Now Calder looks betrayed, shooting daggers into Occeus. He is unaffected by said daggers.)

CALDER
You're one to speak.

OCCEUS
Eye am speaking yes

(Dismas, looking a little like he survived a tornado, storms over and motions towards the giant mecha beast.)

DISMAS
Does anyone care to explain who unleashed this behemoth onto the field while we're pointing digits?!///


PAGE 12

(There's a heated debate going on in the middle of the field as everyone starts huddling around to add their two cents. This is shown in the bottom corner of the panel, the focus is on Jentha dashing for the now-abandoned goal.)

(Jentha scores a touchdown with the drone.)

JENTHA
B B BOO YEAH!!!

MURRIT
THATS THE GAME FOLKS N FUCKS

(Murrit walks over with a big ol' trophy made of cardboard and tinfoil. It's falling apart. Jentha is smiling and reaching out for it.)

JENTHA
this t trophy sucks d dookie b but the b b blood spilled is a always worth it

(Murrit nudges her with his elbow. She is holding the shitty trophy now.)

MURRIT
not only that but you get the creative keys to the sportsball sequel

MURRIT
make me proud stutterbu—

(Same panel as earlier but with a pause icon and some light VHS-esque effects.)

(Murrit is sitting at her computer, staring at the screen. We can't see his face, but he looks somber.)

MURRIT
...we running out of time and i'm running out of faith.