This is your SHUTTER SHADE COLLECTION.
You have fifty-two pairs in total, and you like to switch them once each wice per half-sweep cycle. They're a staple of your wardrobe that subtly hints at the hidden depths of your personality — keeping your eyes open, yet concealed from onlookers at all times.
Pfft.
Nah, as if. You just enjoy the simple pleasures of being kinda weird — your idiosyncrasies carefully cultivated for maximum aggravative potential. Your friends love it.