He shouts, desperate, in fear and anger at a reviled setup.
There are more than a few punches you should be pulling here, but your carefully maintained façade is close to breaking. That can't happen.
And so, you slow-cook yourself in a stew made out of your own shortcomings, paralyzed and heated by the fire of your first uncalculated failure in sweeps.
You've always been shit at handling that.