DQ: *does*the*belief*that*it*might*have*been*destiny*make*you*feel*better*?
PO: ~no+ a+ all.~
DQ: *mmm*
DQ: *that*is*usually*the*case*ive*found*
PO: ~i jus+ don'+ wan+ +he o+her answer +o be +he righ+ one.~
PO: ~+he one where i say "i+ is wha+ i+ is" because wha+ else can i do.~
DQ: *and*theres*nothing*to*be*done*for*her*now*im*assuming*
PO: ~no+ unless you wan+ +o go back +o my hive and collec+ her soggy pieces ou+ of +he wa+er yourself~
PO: ~even +hen i +hink +here's ano+her pissan+ in our group who'd prefer +ha+ gig~
PO: ~fucking weirdo~
DQ: *alright*
DQ: *i*need*you*to*keep*an*open*mind*here*
PO: ~No+ a grea+ s+ar+.~
DQ: *shush*
DQ: *maybe*youll*consider*the*idea*demeaning*in*its*own*right*
DQ: *but*personally*as*of*the*last*few*hours*ive*found*great*utility*in*it*
DQ: *when*was*the*last*time*youve*cried*?
PO: ~I don'+ cry.~
DQ: *that*is*entirely*not*true*
DQ: *youve*cried*at*least*once*
DQ: *in*front*of*me*no*less*
DQ: *do*you*remember*that*?
DQ: *it*was*the*first*time*we*ever*had*a*real*conversation*
PO: ~I couldn'+ ge+ a handle on myself back +hen, i+ was differen+.~
PO: ~My poin+ s+ill s+ands.~
PO: ~I DON'+ CRY.~
DQ: *lack*of*control*isnt*where*that*gesture*stemmed*from*
DQ: *you*came*to*me*because*you*heard*that*i*was*good*at*handling*the*emotions*of*other*trolls*in*our*soul*circle*
DQ: *and*when*i*was*growing*up*
DQ: *there*was*no*doubt*in*my*mind*that*i*was*meant*to*be*a*lantern*in*the*darkness*
DQ: *a*soft*beacon*of*light*made*for*lukewarm*goodness*
DQ: *a*little*girl*who*had*to*soothe*others*before*she*ever*had*the*chance*to*properly*put*herself*together*
DQ: *now*that*youve*been*with*me*for*long*enough*
DQ: *i*think*you*know*that*isnt*true*
DQ: *and*that*in*those*moments*i*was*never*truly*myself*
DQ: *only*what*others*told*me*i*should*be*
DQ: *just*as*i*know*that*even*though*youve*always*been*told*that*you*were*made*to*bring*carnage*to*the*world*
DQ: *to*be*full*of*bitter*hatred*and*furious*anger*
DQ: *you*have*never*been*either*of*those*things*on*purpose*
DQ: *youre*hurt*
DQ: *and*youre*afraid*
DQ: *youve*said*so*yourself*more*times*than*i*can*count*
DQ: *this*is*the*way*i*see*it*
DQ: *one*way*or*another*these*things*have*a*way*of*rising*to*the*surface*
PO: ~And how's +ha+ gonna happen?~
DQ: *i*couldnt*tell*you*
DQ: *kind*of*new*to*the*whole*emotional*honesty*directed*inwards*thing*
DQ: *i*havent*had*enough*time*to*figure*the*specifics*out*
PO: ~+here's no+hing +o figure ou+, Albion~
PO: ~Wha+ else can we do besides play along and pre+end like we s+ill have some semblance of con+rol? Over ANY of +his?~
PO: ~I'm a+ +he poin+ where I'm jus+ abou+ +o give up +he parana+ural spec+er and be along for +he ride.~
DQ: *that*doesnt*sound*like*you*at*all*
PO: ~I know i+ doesn'+ fucking sound like me!~
PO: ~Sorry, I know I say fuck +oo fucking much!~
PO: ~bu+ fuck fucking FUCK!!!~
PO: ~I+'S ALL LOUSY RO++EN INANE PIGSHI+!!!!!~
PO: ~I HA+E +HIS FUCKING GAME AND I HA+E LIFE BACK ON REPI+ON AND I HA+E +HA+ IM S+UCK WI+H BO+H AND I CAN'+ DO ANY+HING EXCEP+ LIVE WI+H I+!!!!!!~
DQ: *you*dont*have*to*live*with*it*
PO: ~Wha+ +he FUCK do you mean???~
DQ: *living*with*it*is*not*the*answer*
DQ: *youll*have*the*ability*to*figure*out*what*youre*going*to*do*about*it*
DQ: *youll*have*your*chance*
DQ: *because*i*will*help*you*see*it*
DQ: *i*think*
DQ: *making*those*sorts*of*decisions*is*my*actual*part*to*play*within*the*confines*of*our*new*reality*
PO: ~Your "par+"?~
PO: ~Wha+ par+???~
DQ: *to*become*someone*who*can*see*deeper*than*those*pleasantries*i*handed*out*
DQ: *regaining*my*ability*to*aid*everyone*by*bootstrapping*myself*to*the*plight*
DQ: *creating*new*beliefs*
DQ: *not*because*of*anyone*elses*expectations*or*their*own*misinterpreted*views*
DQ: *but*for*what*i*truly*believe*in*and*what*i*think*is*best*
DQ: *because*once*youve*been*broken*
DQ: *you*either*pick*up*the*pieces*
DQ: *or*you*are*brushed*away*with*the*rest*of*the*mess*
DQ: *im*not*important*for*the*reasons*i*thought*i*once*was*
DQ: *and*theres*a*part*of*me*that*does*still*hate*it*
DQ: *but*im*choosing*to*believe*that*i*can*be*important*in*a*way*that*i*want*instead*
DQ: *maybe*that*does*lean*too*far*towards*sentimentality*
DQ: *but*i*think*youll*definitely*be*able*to*surpass*those*expectations*too*
PO: ~I wish i+ was +ha+ easy.~
PO: ~Even my denizen said +ha+ i+'s useless for me +o +ry.~
DQ: *then*theyre*a*liar*
DQ: *just*like*mine*is*
PO: ~no+ a+ all.~
DQ: *mmm*
DQ: *that*is*usually*the*case*ive*found*
PO: ~i jus+ don'+ wan+ +he o+her answer +o be +he righ+ one.~
PO: ~+he one where i say "i+ is wha+ i+ is" because wha+ else can i do.~
DQ: *and*theres*nothing*to*be*done*for*her*now*im*assuming*
PO: ~no+ unless you wan+ +o go back +o my hive and collec+ her soggy pieces ou+ of +he wa+er yourself~
PO: ~even +hen i +hink +here's ano+her pissan+ in our group who'd prefer +ha+ gig~
PO: ~fucking weirdo~
DQ: *alright*
DQ: *i*need*you*to*keep*an*open*mind*here*
PO: ~No+ a grea+ s+ar+.~
DQ: *shush*
DQ: *maybe*youll*consider*the*idea*demeaning*in*its*own*right*
DQ: *but*personally*as*of*the*last*few*hours*ive*found*great*utility*in*it*
DQ: *when*was*the*last*time*youve*cried*?
PO: ~I don'+ cry.~
DQ: *that*is*entirely*not*true*
DQ: *youve*cried*at*least*once*
DQ: *in*front*of*me*no*less*
DQ: *do*you*remember*that*?
DQ: *it*was*the*first*time*we*ever*had*a*real*conversation*
PO: ~I couldn'+ ge+ a handle on myself back +hen, i+ was differen+.~
PO: ~My poin+ s+ill s+ands.~
PO: ~I DON'+ CRY.~
DQ: *lack*of*control*isnt*where*that*gesture*stemmed*from*
DQ: *you*came*to*me*because*you*heard*that*i*was*good*at*handling*the*emotions*of*other*trolls*in*our*soul*circle*
DQ: *and*when*i*was*growing*up*
DQ: *there*was*no*doubt*in*my*mind*that*i*was*meant*to*be*a*lantern*in*the*darkness*
DQ: *a*soft*beacon*of*light*made*for*lukewarm*goodness*
DQ: *a*little*girl*who*had*to*soothe*others*before*she*ever*had*the*chance*to*properly*put*herself*together*
DQ: *now*that*youve*been*with*me*for*long*enough*
DQ: *i*think*you*know*that*isnt*true*
DQ: *and*that*in*those*moments*i*was*never*truly*myself*
DQ: *only*what*others*told*me*i*should*be*
DQ: *just*as*i*know*that*even*though*youve*always*been*told*that*you*were*made*to*bring*carnage*to*the*world*
DQ: *to*be*full*of*bitter*hatred*and*furious*anger*
DQ: *you*have*never*been*either*of*those*things*on*purpose*
DQ: *youre*hurt*
DQ: *and*youre*afraid*
DQ: *youve*said*so*yourself*more*times*than*i*can*count*
DQ: *this*is*the*way*i*see*it*
DQ: *one*way*or*another*these*things*have*a*way*of*rising*to*the*surface*
PO: ~And how's +ha+ gonna happen?~
DQ: *i*couldnt*tell*you*
DQ: *kind*of*new*to*the*whole*emotional*honesty*directed*inwards*thing*
DQ: *i*havent*had*enough*time*to*figure*the*specifics*out*
PO: ~+here's no+hing +o figure ou+, Albion~
PO: ~Wha+ else can we do besides play along and pre+end like we s+ill have some semblance of con+rol? Over ANY of +his?~
PO: ~I'm a+ +he poin+ where I'm jus+ abou+ +o give up +he parana+ural spec+er and be along for +he ride.~
DQ: *that*doesnt*sound*like*you*at*all*
PO: ~I know i+ doesn'+ fucking sound like me!~
PO: ~Sorry, I know I say fuck +oo fucking much!~
PO: ~bu+ fuck fucking FUCK!!!~
PO: ~I+'S ALL LOUSY RO++EN INANE PIGSHI+!!!!!~
PO: ~I HA+E +HIS FUCKING GAME AND I HA+E LIFE BACK ON REPI+ON AND I HA+E +HA+ IM S+UCK WI+H BO+H AND I CAN'+ DO ANY+HING EXCEP+ LIVE WI+H I+!!!!!!~
DQ: *you*dont*have*to*live*with*it*
PO: ~Wha+ +he FUCK do you mean???~
DQ: *living*with*it*is*not*the*answer*
DQ: *youll*have*the*ability*to*figure*out*what*youre*going*to*do*about*it*
DQ: *youll*have*your*chance*
DQ: *because*i*will*help*you*see*it*
DQ: *i*think*
DQ: *making*those*sorts*of*decisions*is*my*actual*part*to*play*within*the*confines*of*our*new*reality*
PO: ~Your "par+"?~
PO: ~Wha+ par+???~
DQ: *to*become*someone*who*can*see*deeper*than*those*pleasantries*i*handed*out*
DQ: *regaining*my*ability*to*aid*everyone*by*bootstrapping*myself*to*the*plight*
DQ: *creating*new*beliefs*
DQ: *not*because*of*anyone*elses*expectations*or*their*own*misinterpreted*views*
DQ: *but*for*what*i*truly*believe*in*and*what*i*think*is*best*
DQ: *because*once*youve*been*broken*
DQ: *you*either*pick*up*the*pieces*
DQ: *or*you*are*brushed*away*with*the*rest*of*the*mess*
DQ: *im*not*important*for*the*reasons*i*thought*i*once*was*
DQ: *and*theres*a*part*of*me*that*does*still*hate*it*
DQ: *but*im*choosing*to*believe*that*i*can*be*important*in*a*way*that*i*want*instead*
DQ: *maybe*that*does*lean*too*far*towards*sentimentality*
DQ: *but*i*think*youll*definitely*be*able*to*surpass*those*expectations*too*
PO: ~I wish i+ was +ha+ easy.~
PO: ~Even my denizen said +ha+ i+'s useless for me +o +ry.~
DQ: *then*theyre*a*liar*
DQ: *just*like*mine*is*